As I have written, the physical changes come one after another, and it can be strange when you've never worried about heartburn, sciatica, or a woozy stomach before. To be quite honest--I salute all of the pregnant women with full-time jobs, I don't know how they do it. I hear stories about women throwing up in their office trash cans throughout the day, my heart goes out to them. I know there are some drugs out on the market now that can help with the sickness, and although I haven't had to take them, I most likely would if I had to report to work every morning at 8 a.m. Fortunately as a yoga instructor just venturing into my teaching, I've been very blessed to be able to take the mornings slow and rest whenever I need.
But most importantly, I tribute the single moms and those who don't have family or close friends to support them. I don't know if I could have made it this far without my husband and people around me, the changes can be overwhelming and support has made it so much better. For those out there with a partner, their lives shift too. And if they don't--I can tell it would be very easy to grow in different directions. Dustin and I are very social people, and through the physical changes, it definitely prohibits me from being as socially active. My husband has been wonderful enough to follow suit, we've stayed in a bit more and had to get more creative with our time together. I wouldn't say we're lame--I was dancing to the Hosty Duo just a few weeks ago, but you definitely have to prioritize your energy!
So just within the last few weeks, I started to feel much better and joined the holiday hustle and bustle...only about 1/3 of what I would usually do. Turns out it was too strenuous for my body and I need to be resting more! I was a bit bummed having to cut down on some holiday festivities, but after some sulking, I made a list of all of the things I want to do with my time: write more, read more, meditate more, make more music, connect more, be more present in life. So approaching week eleven, I am like a mother hen sitting on her nest, and I am using it as an opportunity to grow.
Since I have been forced to slow down, ironically in the midst of the busiest time of year, I have been able to gain this insight: Tara Brach, one of my favorite speakers, talks about how we as a society tend to move forward so quickly--anticipating and rushing into our next task or moment. It has become hard for us as individuals to "just be". The Chinese symbol for speed means "heart-killing", and we have to admit, the pace of our society can definitely start chipping away at our hearts and bodies. Tara goes onto explain that we tend to rush through life either because we're afraid something bad might happen if we stop, or something is missing. Either way, it's okay to have full lives, but there are other ways to manage them. It is possible to stop, breathe, absorb and be present in our moments because when we are--our actions and choices come from a much more genuine and calm place. Ghandi took one day a week for prayer and meditation, and we can only imagine how busy that man was. If one of the most influential men in history could manage time to slow down, can't we?
It's not easy to sit with ourselves and emotions, but if we can soften ourselves to whatever we may be feeling--offer compassion to those places of frustration, doubt, uncomfort--we are able to create space for healing, insight, and peace. I practice this with my yoga students regularly, but in a physical capacity. I always ask them if there are any places in their bodies that are tight, or have been aching/hurting. After identifying those spots, we work on breathing into those areas, soften them, and focus on healing energy. I have to say, everyone always comes away from our meditation with a better sense of awareness and often feeling better on several different levels.
Pregnant or not, I'm sure we could all slow down a bit during the holidays. There are so many opportunities to enjoy people, moments, music, giving, time together, glowing lights and perhaps traditions. All I know, it I hope to offer the gift of presence to my little person who will be so important to me. I want to take in our moments together, the ups and downs, with a fully attentive heart. I once heard this: we don't have the time to rush. Life is short, and I can only imagine the moments start to fly with a child. Absorb your moments with your loved ones, because I believe at the end of our lives, they are the ones that matter.
