We've just passed week seven, and it seems like I will never get into the double digits. These weeks have gone by pretty slow, I think because we are so anxious to reach our second trimester. However, the first night we found out we were pregnant, I tossed and turned with all sorts of dreams--and what I came away with the next morning was, "stay present in the process." It's so easy to get overwhelmed with "the next step" or the future, and I feel it's important to stay present with the step I'm in.
So as I keep going back to that idea of staying present, it has been one that I have been attuned with through my yoga practice for years. However, now I'm having to apply it at a whole new level. Before I would come back to my breath and my body whenever I needed to get centered, but it's much harder now when I've had a steady level of nausea, my boobs hurt more than ever, and I'm starting to feel those extra carbs set in around my belly. When you don't necessarily feel "in your own skin", it's difficult to come back to your body. But then I have to remember that presence is about observing whatever you feel, not judging, and staying with whatever feelings you might have.
So here's the very honest stage passing week seven: I've reached that double-ended sword feeling--I'm EXTREMELY blessed to be pregnant...but I'm not sure it's that much fun. I know some women enjoy pregnancy, and that's amazing. But for someone who has worked really hard to feel comfortable in her body, it's hard to go through all of the changes and feel like all of my work has been negated. I know it's for a much greater cause, but part of the process is giving up portions of yourself to host your baby, and it's not always easy. Especially so early--I don't get any of the benefits of hearing the heart beat, kicks, movement, or those incredible signs of life. The baby is going through a ton of changes, but he/she so so small, it's my body adjusting and preparing for the growth that I feel the most.
On that note, the baby's eyelids, upper lip, nose are forming--he/she is also sprouting webbed fingers and toes. It's heart has four chambers and the heart is beating 150 beats per minute, that's double our resting heart rate. The rapid development of such a small little person is amazing to me, and I think that's what I look forward to reading about the most. It keeps me "present" in remembering that despite all of the nausea, fatigue, and aches--there is a little life inside forging ahead to form a full human being. It's such a crazy concept that there will be a person entering our lives this summer, and they will be the most important person to us...that's a pretty incredible thought.
I will say my wonderful diet has gone out the window on this stage--I can only eat what WON'T make me sick. I've had to miss my own yoga training because of nausea, but I'm hoping after five more weeks, I can go back to being more selective on food and attending my regular sessions. I have been cardio-focused lately (when able) and have started my "Warrior Birthing Training" to prepare for July. I figure if pushing a baby out is hard work, I better get in shape for it, ha ha!
Dustin had a dream last night that we were having a girl, and from the get-go, I've had the same intuition. We'll see if our ability to predict was right by January...so long to wait, but I know the holidays will go by fast.
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are grey
You never know dear
How much I love you
Please don't take
my sunshine away
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